weloveshortvideos:

When you hit the blunt before you go on the air… 

(via zimothy)

satdeshret:

wvnderbar:

apparently a teen in brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. so…41 guys…that’s the limit.

You know how in hitchikers guide to the galaxy the answer to the question of life the universe and everything is 42?

I think we found the question.

(via greenbergsays)

Paka likes to push her toys under things. There’s always stuff under furniture, but she really likes pushing them under a shut door and then trying to pull the door open.

She’s started to do this with crickets. She has no interest in killing them. She just swats at them until their legs fall off and then follows them around with her nose as they try to hop away. She sees them as toys and has realized they fit under doors.

I do not like this. At this rate, I’m going to come home to a bedroom full of legless crickets bouncing around on the floor like popcorn.

Have I mentioned my extreme abhorrence of crickets?

shuckl:

considerthishippie:

What is a flotation tank?

500 kg of Epsom salts are added to 1000 litres of water, creating a 30 cm deep solution, which is heated to 35.5 degrees C (skin temperature).

The temperature of the water means that once you are settled in the tank, it is virtually impossible to distinguish between parts of the body that are in contact with the water, and those that aren’t, in effect “fooling” the brain into believing that the person is floating in mid-air.

image

(via timelady-of-221b)

I WANT IT I WANT IT NOW CAN I SLEEP IN THAT I WANT THIS WANT

You know what pisses me off? Apples. They don’t even have a real core but they’re such a bitch to cut up because of the center. I know I have one of those apple cutters that you just push down and it makes perfect slices. But I can never find it, so I use one of those core cutter-outer-things, which I can never get perfectly centered. I don’t even like apples. I only eat them with honey or peanut butter as a snack. I just want a fucking snack and this piece of fruit is giving me a hard time about it. Fuck you, apples.

tired and hungry

"But they talk normal like us, though!"
-

Direct quote from my coworker referring to other countries that speak English

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so much no werk

Thank you note to the man in the "SWAT" shirt clearly bought from a curbside cart.

Me: [Waits for elevator]

Man: [Spits into elevator shaft through doorway before getting out]

Me: [Stares in horror]

Other employee: [Looks to me in horror]

Other employee: Did he just do... What I think he did?

Me: I think so...

Me: [Enters elevator with caution]

Other employee: [Hesitates]

Me: But WHY?

Other employee: That was disgusting.

Me: ... Why...

Other employee: [shakes head in disappointment in humanity]

Is that God? He looks like a peeping tom. What kind of interactive story is this?

Is that God? He looks like a peeping tom. What kind of interactive story is this?

Found Paka! She was asleep in the garage. She now has fresh water and a piece of cereal so now she’s wide awake and ready to play. She can play with a single Panda Puff (a round cereal piece) all night.

Paka must be dead asleep because she normally loves when I’m up late. I’ve been up for over two hours and she hasn’t tried to break my door down yet. Sometimes I wonder how she knows I’m awake. It’s like she can sense my breathing patterns. But I’ve been to the kitchen twice so she’s obviously having a nice kitty dream somewhere.